what's wrong with me
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self-reflection easily becomes self-loathing. kids with #OCD will often say things like "I hate myself" or "I wish I was dead." These statements illustrate the pain caused by self-criticism in the OCD mind, which quickly spirals out of control.
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This makes me think of my mom. When i have done something and i tried my hardest, she says i cant try my hardest because i have to be perfect. This drives me crazy. I dont like being perfect. I get straight A's and one B? She says im awful. I just feel so pressured to be perfect that i just break because i know im a dissapointment.
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Sometimes there's nothing you can say at 2 am. You feel pathetic for wanting to call them with tears in your eyes, but remember it's 2 am and you don't want to ask for help, because you're too busy trying to convince yourself that you'll get better all on your own.
The crazy-making, cruel, unpredictable actions of this family are unbelievable. My sharing was sometimes questioned, which made me feel even more uncertain. But the toxicity spread to my respected, normal husband. He was a man who thought that good could be reached in everyone, but he has learned otherwise now.